How often are you in the state of listening to your kids? Whenever they have something to tell or share and before they got a chance to go for a deeper conversation, have you started to interfere and judge them in the talks? Honestly, I have been doing it for the past. As the kids are getting older and stepped into another growing stage, the way you deal with them is absolutely different compared when they were a toddler. I read a childcare book and it certainly put me back into a noob when comes to parenting.
One of the things I have learned from the book is to have open, honest and transparent communication with the kids and judge lesser. (I think it applies to all of us.)The lesser you judge, the more willing your kids will talk and share with you. In fact, the conversation will becomes more comfortable instead of having fear. Of course, along the way, if you found they are into something which is unbeneficial and harmful, there is always a way to talk and solve together with them.
**Stuffs that got confiscated by momster today...but she is willing to hand over to me.
**the missing Angry Bird Chips**
THE STORY OF THE CHIPS…
Small E : Mami, I got a pack of Angry birds chips at school today..
**Normally I already started to lecture and judge by telling her..NO!!!You cannot eat it. It’s not healthy…bla..bla…lots of MSG. (macam la, she can understand what is MSG…)
I hold back the words and tried this way…
Mami: Ooo…you got a Angry bird chips?That’s cool! How come you did not show me? Have you try it?
Small E: Hmmmm…I didn’t eat it
Mami: Ooo..Why you didn’t want to eat it?
Small E: Because the yellow chip …arrrr….arrr… Is not good for my body..
(Trying to converse in English instead of speaking Mandarin to me…Arrr..for almost 7-8 times)
Mami: Oohh…how come you know is yellow when you said you didn’t eat it?
***Gotcha! It’s a lie..Again, I would have lectured and repeating the same thing again and again which they have heard it probably 100 times which no longer helpful. At this point of time, she might tune out. What I can do is try to identify what I am seeing and concerned about.****
Small E: Hmmm...I eat a bit.I know is yellow color. But I know is arr….arr…arr……arr…NOT GOOD for my body.
Mami: Oohh…yea, is not healthy. So, you shouldn’t have eaten it so much, ok. And next time, you tell me even you eat a lil bit ok…Mami also want to know how angry bird chips tasted like..Maybe if you eat too much, you will become very angry …like angry bird…
Small E:Hahahha…ok mami! But I only eat a bit then I gave it to my friend to eat…cos not good for my body. Maybe my friend will turn into angry bird because she eaten all.
No doubt, sometimes as a parent, we tend to get very angry, disappointed and frustrated when kids telling lies. Lying is normal..but it’s wrong. It’s just them solving a problem in an ineffective way. And our responsibility is to teach them how to face the problems head-on and coach them through these confusing years. Parenting is a life-long learning process…Everyday we learn something new…