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Wednesday, July 10, 2013

LISTEN MORE AND JUDGE LESSER....

How often are you in the state of listening to your kids? Whenever they have something to tell or share and before they got a chance to go for a deeper conversation, have you started to interfere and judge them in the talks? Honestly, I have been doing it for the past. As the kids are getting older and stepped into another growing stage, the way you deal with them is absolutely different compared when they were a toddler. I read a childcare book and it certainly put me back into a noob when comes to parenting.

One of the things I have learned from the book is to have open, honest and transparent communication with the kids and judge lesser. (I think it applies to all of us.)The lesser you judge, the more willing your kids will talk and share with you. In fact, the conversation will becomes more comfortable instead of having fear. Of course, along the way, if you found they are into something which is unbeneficial and harmful, there is always a way to talk and solve together with them.

**Stuffs that got confiscated by momster today...but she is willing to hand over to me.

 **the missing Angry Bird Chips**

 THE STORY OF THE CHIPS…
Small E : Mami, I got a pack of Angry birds chips at school today..
**Normally I already started to lecture and judge by telling her..NO!!!You cannot eat it. It’s not healthy…bla..bla…lots of MSG. (macam la, she can understand what is MSG…)
I hold back the words and tried this way…

Mami: Ooo…you got a Angry bird chips?That’s cool! How come you did not show me? Have you try it?

Small E: Hmmmm…I didn’t eat it

Mami: Ooo..Why you didn’t want to eat it?

Small E: Because the yellow chip …arrrr….arrr… Is not good for my body..
(Trying to converse in English instead of speaking Mandarin to me…Arrr..for almost 7-8 times)

Mami: Oohh…how come you know is yellow when you said you didn’t eat it?
***Gotcha! It’s a lie..Again, I would have lectured and repeating the same thing again and again which they have heard it probably 100 times which no longer helpful. At this point of time, she might tune out. What I can do is try to identify what I am seeing and concerned about.****

Small E: Hmmm...I eat a bit.I know is yellow color. But I know is arr….arr…arr……arr…NOT GOOD for my body.

Mami: Oohh…yea, is not healthy. So, you shouldn’t have eaten it so much, ok. And next time, you tell me even you eat a lil bit ok…Mami also want to know how angry bird chips tasted like..Maybe if you eat too much, you will become very angry …like angry bird…

Small E:Hahahha…ok mami! But I only eat a bit then I gave it to my friend to eat…cos not good for my body. Maybe my friend will turn into angry bird because she eaten all.

**Me…..ROFTL***

No doubt, sometimes as a parent, we tend to get very angry, disappointed and frustrated when kids telling lies. Lying is normal..but it’s wrong. It’s just them solving a problem in an ineffective way. And our responsibility is to teach them how to face the problems head-on and coach them through these confusing years. Parenting is a life-long learning process…Everyday we learn something new…

24 comments:

  1. Very well said. I couldn't agree more.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Cleff..

      Somehow, different people might have different thoughts and approaches which work well for them

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  2. Replies
    1. OH yea...today one kena confiscated.

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  3. Sometimes, we have to out-smart them...Good one mummy!

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    Replies
    1. Yup...sometimes we have to squeeze out some brain juices.

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  4. What a cute post about parenting. Sometimes it could drive the moms up the walls but I hear that the happiness & love returns is always there. They are priceless! I think if you have friends who are teachers, that would be good for you to hear their stories and analyze the best method to adopt.

    Which kid never lied? All the best liars I knew are successful today! LOL

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    Replies
    1. Yea..sometimes they really drive me up the walls. Thank goodness, the loved one always around to give supporting and encouraging words to deal with it in a better way and calm me down.

      HAhha..i bet teachers will have a new stories to share every day and I salute them for they always have to analyse the best method to adopt as what you said.

      LOL!! Good one there..

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  5. Replies
    1. Thanks Angeline...just a part of the learning process as a parent.

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  6. When you say no, they will take it to mean yes... Talk to wife, also like that. Hehehehehehe!!!!!

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    Replies
    1. Hahahah..that may drive you up the walls?

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  7. After reading your post I realized I have not been giving much attention to my 7yo conversation. I always interrupt her mid-way. Come to think of it, it is rude and also discourage her to express herself. I should give her more attention and respect her opinions. Thanks for this wake-up post, Yee Ling!

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    Replies
    1. Well, everyone makes a mistake and I am glad to discover it. We learn as we go...and make it better.

      Cheers, Rose!

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  8. Yes, Ling... as parents or mother, we are learning together with the kids... :) By the way, what is angry bird chips? never seen them before.. hahaha...

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    1. Agree with you, Claire. We learn along with the kids. It's challenging but it's fun.

      Actually it just the chips packaging with lots of Angry birds pictures.SO, I called it Angry bird chips..ahhah.I never seen it before either.

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  9. I let Ethan eat snacks every once in a while. But I'll make sure he knows those are junk food he is consuming and it's only OK to have them once in a blue moon. But last few weeks, the blue moon has been too often leh. So many kids born in June and July!

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  10. Children nowadays are very smart, we, as parents, need to be much more smarter.. :p

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  11. the red-packing waffle tasted very awful but kindergartens like to give them to children like what they did to me last time TSK

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  12. Your girl is such a good girl. She is cute la.

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  13. Manyak pandai punya small E LOL.......otak bergeliga betul

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  14. I totally agree dear! :)

    This is a better way to teach the kids. I love you always! *hugs with love*

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  15. thank you for sharing and reminding... sometimes I also forget.. haiz... lately my little one also begining to get frust with me cos I also lost patience with him... will try to remind myself to talk nicely with him... :)

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  16. Parenting is not easy huh?

    Anyway thanks for sharing!

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